Well apparently he's into motor boating.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
