Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
