Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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