If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
