There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
