i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
