yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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