so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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