i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
