I'm really into asian looking animals
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize