3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize