Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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