Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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