Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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