these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize