Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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