So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
