i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
