he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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