I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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