Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
