just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
