how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
