her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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