I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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