forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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