He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
