She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
