Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
