HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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