Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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