I must be too annoying 4 u.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
