...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
