So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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