put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
