I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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