it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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