i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
