He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
