i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
