Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
