do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
