Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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