Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
