Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
