If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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