yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
