Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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