mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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