Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I want is dick and wine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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