Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
