He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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