Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize