Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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