he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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