Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
