Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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