I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
