She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
