i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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