I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
