In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
