Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
