This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize