I accidentally burped into my bong.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
