Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
