I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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