and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This baby is an asshole
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
