Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
