I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
