i was born a porn star she said
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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