every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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