turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
