You smell like stripper and shame
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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