How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
