I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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