Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
