He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
