If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well you can't waste a boner
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
