You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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